Cold Desert

While I love music and I am always listening to some new band that I’ve recently discovered, I am very picky when choosing my real favourites. A song may become a favourite because the rythm just makes me feel a bit more positive, because it helps me channel whatever I am actually feeling. Other times, I fall in love with a song because its lyrics speak directly to me, assuring me that I am not insane, or because it reminds me of past times. Or of someone.

The song that I’m about to show you automatically got a place in my heart because of the ambience that surrounded me while it made its way through my eclectic Iphone playlist. Sometimes I download loads of band’s records only because I enjoyed one of their songs so I’m usually not familiar with the rest of them. Today I was walking back home from my university. It was raining and it was freezing -I was very smart and only got a jacket with me thinking that, being May, I hardly was going to be cold- but I was craving the exercise and walking under the rain is something I’ve learnt to love in the past few years. I was in a weird, depressing, sad, emo mood, and the cloudy sky was not helping… not that I really wanted it to. Once in a while it’s nice to let yourself feel sad; to embrace the feeling without having to cover the apparent weakness in front of others.  I believe there is a certain beauty in sadness. I think it’s healthy to be sad, from time to time.

And I didn’t feel it coming this morning. The sadness, I mean. The intense need to let myself go and enjoy the lack of resistance towards the emotion. It was liberating and I felt strangely comfortable in the loneliness and the anonymity that a big city provides in the early hours, when shops are still closed and coffee places are starting to serve the so much needed caffeine to the few early risers. I wasn’t able to put a finger on what was making me feel that way, but I welcomed it while this song said what my brain probably hadn’t been able to process by itself.

The brokenhearted voice made me smile. It was nice to be feeling something. Anything.

This is my new favourite:

  I’m on the corner, waiting for a light to come on
That’s when I know that you’re alone
It’s cold in the desert, water never sees the ground
Special unspoken without sound

You told me you loved me, that I’d never die alone
Hand over your heart, let’s go home
Everyone noticed, everyone has seen the signs
I’ve always been known to cross lines

I’ve never ever cried when I was feeling down
I’ve always been scared of the sound
Jesus don’t love me, no one ever carried my load
I’m too young to feel this old

Here’s to you, here’s to me
On to us. Nobody knows, nobody sees.

   Nobody but me.         

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