(yes, that was a reference to GoT)
I vowed to myself that I wasn’t going to let college make me a hostage of my own life. It had been that way for the past few years, and I can’t be that study machine that I used to be if that means that I have to lose my sanity in the process. So, I’m taking this studying phase incredibly calmed down, unbelivably rational. I’m not freaking out; I read, I study, I go out, I study some more,I indulge in some guilty pleasures that I’m far too embarassed to specify and I get out of the house craving some social interaction. Yeah, it sounds basic, but I didn’t use to do that when I was facing a huge load of exams coming my way. I wouldn’t get out of the house in a week, I would live on coffee and diet coke and at most I would allow myself to talk to one person in my life. I turned myself into a prisoner because I thought that way nothing would break my concentration, nothing would be able to erase whatever I had been memorising for the past few hours. I felt guilty otherwise. I felt guilty because I thought that way I was actually doing what was expected of me, and there was no chance that anyone would say that I hadn’t tried because I had turned down everything else in order to be that study machine that everyone used to be so in love with.
Guilt used to fuel most of my actions.
Not all are flowers, rainbows and unicorns though. Of course I’m worried and a little stressed out. I have to admit that I am a controlling sadistic bitch when I’m memorising. I might turn into a psychopath aswell if anyone wrongly thinks that he/she is allowed to touch my beloved notes. Right now, my notes and me are the closest thing I have that looks remotedly like a relationship and I get incredibly possessive of them. My precious.
But I’ve also found out that some people believe I’m incredibly funny when I’m put on the spot and that my way of dealing with pressure is adorable. Surely, those people suffer from some kind of undiagnosed brain damage, but I’m not going to be the one bursting their bubble. Their company is anchoring me to sanity and keeping me far far away from college madness. They protect me from the competitive aura, but don’t let me get distracted. At all. They are incredible that way. I might be – I have no doubt I am – an amazing pain in the ass from time to time. However, they cut my bullshit pretty quickly. Too damned quickly for my own liking…
What can I say? Masochism is an important quality that I look for in my closest friends.
I’m sure I’ll get bullied for this post later… (Hey guys!) But, I couldn’t help myself after last night to write something like this, with a title like this. Not after the shit load of jokes that came my way comparing me to certain Game of Thrones characters…
The climb is all there is….